Do you get the joke? Because, people under 18 are minors. And this is a column about the problems of people my age. Okay, I get it, there’s like one person out there who’s actually laughing. It’s me. I am the only person who thinks the title is funny. Yikes.
Minor Inconveniences is a weekly column which means I get to pester Observer readers with my thoughts every week! If you’re looking for riveting updates on what’s going on in Miller Creek or some wisdom to encourage a philosophy, you’ve got the wrong column.
However, if you’re up to reading about some teenage issues (which are much less superficial than you might think, I promise) and possibly even a couple jokes, then you might just be in luck. You have been warned.
Summer has officially started. Delightful, isn’t it? The sun warming your hair, a breeze blowing through the alder leaves, unexpected rain pattering down and creeping down your neck as soon as you leave the house, sand in every bit of food you bring to the beach, and finally, the tiny bugs humming around your ears and, you know, feeding on your flesh. So maybe it’s no Dirty Dancing summer at Kellerman’s, but still, it’s free time and — for some of you — vacation time. That is enough to get me through the cursed school year as I wait for the sun, rain, breeze, sand and annoying bugs.
One of summer’s best friends and most notorious partners in crime is the widely known, widely hated, and also loved: laziness. The crowd murmurs uncomfortably, aristocrats are so surprised their monocles fall off, children are hustled towards the exit by underpaid nannies, a purple-gowned lady in the crowd falls in a perfect Southern belle swoon. That word instills fear and shame in even the purest and most productive of hearts.
It is understandable to cringe at the word and to encourage your adolescent children to push away the curse of procrastination. But if I may plea on their behalf, I must argue that it is summer. The school year is done. There’s no homework to spend hours on, or to ignore (everyone’s got different tactics).
Parents, you are right to lecture your kids about the responsibilities of using time wisely and taking advantage of the free time to get a job, do chores, clean the house, maybe even move from the couch at least once a day. All of these are important requests.
But just for a week, maybe even three days, just let lazy have its fun. Let your kids have fun, those rascals. Join them, even — spend the day in your pajamas discussing the facts that yes, mom/dad were cool once too, and so was Blondie. Listen to the music your child loves, even if you hate listening to “Mask Off by Future” over and over again (man, even I hate that song now).
Re-watch a season of How I Met Your Mother or, if you’re in the mood for something lightweight and heartwarming, Game of Thrones.
Paint something, write something, take a chance on a film genre you didn’t like before, whether that’s horror, documentary, or anything with Keanu Reeves in it. There are endless possibilities when it comes to being lazy. There is so much potential in procrastination.
So now that I’ve asked that you let your kids (and yourself, if possible) laze around the house doing nothing, and now that you’ve either considered the idea or already ripped this column out, I do want to say happy summer.
It’s a great time to celebrate laziness, but not everybody has to partake. Good luck with all your sand-riddled, beach-food escapades, enjoy the two-minute long intervals of sun and most importantly, remember that your kid is just as brain-dead as you are. Everyone needs to waste some time every once in awhile.