A Misty Isle of Goats

  • Oct. 10, 2011 8:00 a.m.

I have a friend who likes goats and that’s okay, I’m not judging, Jane Wilson writes. The thing is that it comes and goes, this liking for goats, and so the goats come and go as well. It’s a goat revolving door situation, goats arrive and hang around for awhile (often under the trampoline for reasons that I can only assume has something to do with the universe having a natural tendency towards slapstick-style humour). My friend then tires of the goats and the way they tie her down so she can’t travel. The goats outstay their welcome for another month and are sent away, and around a year later more, and different, goats appear, start to annoy my friend, outstay their welcome and off they go.We’re on the fourth round of goats since I’ve known my friend and I’ve started having to question it. Gently, of course, the way one does when one’s friend falls off the goat wagon. The conversation is one of those difficult ones like when a friend insists that this time the diet/relationship/mini-skirt is going to end differently (i.e. without weight gain, tears or unsightly woven chair marks on the backs of the thighs). My side of the conversation sounds a little something like this “So, sweetie, I notice that you went camping and when you came back there were goats with you.You know, I can see that the other people at the campsite might have complained about that.Okay, but where did the goats come from?. But why goats, really? .You know the store sells milk…Okay, but if you have them to keep the weeds down in your yards, won’t the deer do that if you leave the gate open?” Around then, the conversation peters out as we realise that we will not be bridging the comprehension gulf between us today, or perhaps, ever.Naturally, I’ve asked around to see if performing goat rotations is normal behaviour and the doubly strange thing is that apparently it is, for people who like goats. People have goats for a while, then don’t, then do again, kind of like cold sores, but with fur and not yet antibiotic resistant. Even stranger is that there must be some kind of thriving goat black market because she always finds people to take the goats, and someone always has goats for her when she wants them again. This raises the question of what people are doing with their goat paraphernalia when they are between goats. I happen to know that goats live in little houses, so do they just sit empty, waiting for the next rotation? My prediction is that you would store random yard equipment in it and not, for instance, move in attractive young women. Apparently, I’m wrong again though, because there’s some attractive young woman living in a goat shed in Tlell, because I gave her a ride one day and it came up in conversation. I’m sure that it was renovated and not at all goat-like now, but I can’t help noticing that it’s still called “The Goat Shed” not “The Attractive Young Women Shed”, so the goats are still taking priority in the situation, as if the shed owner is holding out for the day the goats return. For the record, I would judge someone for evicting a nice young woman in favour of goats; I have to draw the line somewhere. You may have noticed that there were no names in this column, in order to protect the innocent (probably the goats), but if you want to email me at jane.wilson@hgqci.org and guess, I can’t stop you.

Just Posted

Bad weather delays next Prince Rupert/Haida Gwaii ferry

Stormy weather will delay the next ferry sailing from Prince Rupert to… Continue reading

Number-one bud: Q.C. cannabis store could be the first on Haida Gwaii

A local business owner is looking to open the first licensed cannabis… Continue reading

B.C. chiefs show solidarity with Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs

Chiefs from around B.C. outside the Coastal GasLink pipeline route in Smithers show support.

December windstorms led to record ferry cancellations

Baileys for breakfast? It may not be what the doctor ordered, but… Continue reading

RCMP to review actions at Wet’suwet’en pipeline protest camps

Senior Mountie says he hopes protests will be peaceful following deal with hereditary chiefs

B.C. opioid crisis to get same world-renowned treatment approach as HIV/AIDS

A program that focuses on treatment as prevention will roll out Jan. 17

Olympian snowboarder Max Parrot diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma

Each year in Canada, approximately 900 people are diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma

‘Prince of Pot’ Marc Emery accused of sexual assault, harassment

Emery denied the allegations, but a Toronto woman says she is not the only one speaking out

Vancouver Island photographer makes National Geographic’s 2018 elite

Rare double honour for Marston from the 36 best Your Shots out of nearly 19,000 photos

Ex-Liberal candidate in Burnaby, B.C., says volunteer wrote controversial post

Karen Wang dropped out following online post singling out NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh’s ethnicity

Asteroids are smacking Earth twice as often as before

The team counted 29 craters that were no older than 290 million years

Canada’s arrest of Huawei exec an act of ‘backstabbing,’ Chinese ambassador says

China has called Canada’s arrest of Huawei chief financial officer Meng Wanzhou ‘politically motivated’

Port authority imposes ban on development around Lelu Island

Following Pacific Northwest LNG, there will be no future projects proposed near Flora Bank

In limbo: Leftover embryos challenge clinics, couples

Some are outright abandoned by people who quit paying storage fees and other couples struggle with tough decisions

Most Read