Today is Happy Youth Day in Angola, so Happy Youth Day to all of our Angolan readers. And to all of our non-Angolan readers, may your Youth Day, whenever that is, be full of youth, and may you be happy about it.
Youth, kids, children — call them whatever you want — they sure are a hoot aren’t they? I don’t have kids myself, but I have friends with kids and they never hesitate to tell me how much they truly realize that they have kids. Here on Haida Gwaii, it’s officially kid season, otherwise known as soccer season, so in September when I see those parent friends again, I’m sure they’ll all want a long nap.
Some Interesting “Kids and Haida Gwaii” Facts
1. There are approximately 300 million kids on Haida Gwaii.
2. In the summer months they all go to Tlell and order milkshakes at the Crow’s Nest.
3. I am always the last person in that line.
4. If you were to line up all the kids on Haida Gwaii end-to-end they would be conveniently placed for gathering up with a baling machine.
Soccer season is a wonderful time in Tlell. The weekly games bring an energy to this place that is perhaps only matched by the fall fair and the music festival. Except there is more food consumed than at the fall fair, and it’s louder than the music festival. Plus, it happens every weekend! Dreams really do come true. In the winter, when it’s dark and cold, and the wind is rattling my tiny little house to its timbers, I often find myself pining for the competitive screams of children chasing after a soccer ball or the sugar-induced squeals of dilemma as they try to decide between pass or puke.
Sometimes I imagine myself running around a field chasing a ball, yelling soccer clichés at my friends such as, “Pass it it to me!” or “Where’s the defibrillator?”
Some of my friends seem to think that I don’t like kids, which is totally untrue. I adore kids. I really do. I adore kids the same way I adore dolphins. It’s just that, like dolphins, if I become trapped in a room with 100 of them, I get a little nervous.
And also like dolphins, I have trouble interpreting all the squeaks and popping noises kids make. If a kid comes up to me, squeaking and popping away, I’m never quite sure if they are going to a) Ask me for something that is physically impossible for me to provide (like gummy worms or attention) or b) Freak out over something that I had no idea would cause them to freak out (like giving them the wrong glass to drink out of, or telling them that Santa Claus is dead).
Likewise, kids are really cute and you get in trouble if you can a couple because you mistook them for tuna.
So please, this summer, if a kid runs up to you and, like me, it makes you a bit nervous, relax and remember — please, please don’t mistake them for tuna and never ever bundle them into a dolphin hammock and try to put them back out to sea. Not only will their parents disapprove, it would be a really big waste of a dolphin hammock. As far as I know, dolphins don’t have an organized soccer league on Haida Gwaii, which should make it easier for all of us. Another good way to to tell the difference between dolphins and kids is dolphins have a blow hole, whereas kids have a blow hole but it is usually blocked by lots of snot. Happy Soccer Season everyone!